My name is Nuha, I am 39 years old. I am the mother of four children, three boys and one girl. The youngest is a boy aged 5 years and the oldest is a girl aged 19 years old. She is studying medicine. For the first week of this war, since 27 of December 2008, I did not leave the house, but then after I realized that this war is not going to be for a week only I decided that I cannot stay all time inside the house. I need to go and see others, especially my father, I need to meet people even if it is risky, although there is always the possibility of being bombed. This is what happened to my friend’s husband - he went out of the house to look for a shop and buy some food for the family and the bomb got him. Therefore, I decided to visit those I know who lost somebody, lost their homes or even just go out to see how things are. I think at the beginning we all were state of shock, but now we understand things better, and I realized I need to take the risk and go out of the house.

We cannot surrender to our fears, ours is a long story, and it seems a long war this one. Of course, there is always fear, I feel fear lives with us, but this does not mean we surrender to it. The other day I took some clothes to our neighbor so she could take them to her sister, whose house was destroyed. I feel better when I can do something for others.

For sure, after eight in the night, it is impossible to go out of the house. Nights are terrifying, you do not see where the attacks are, you just see fires and hear awful sounds, but you cannot locate yourself amidst the attack. Oh, my windows were just shaking right now, while I was talking to you! Thank God we keep them open!

You know, I am not the only one who decided to go out of the house. The other day I was laughing because we heard in the middle of the day somebody shouting: tomatoes! cucumber!, I have vegetable to sell! At the beginning I did not realize it was true and could not believe my ears. I went to the window and saw a man in a cart selling vegetables! I told Yusuf, my husband see, it is not only me who decided to go out of the house, and we bought some vegetables from the man. Those vegetables were cultivated in his garden and he needs to sell them for money. This is how life continues and is kept under war.

I should tell you, I am lucky because I live in a part of Rafah that is not close to the borders with Egypt, and is not close to the sea, and those are two parts that are being fiercely attacked.

I feel so sad because of all the destruction I am seeing. We need at least 20 years to repair all this destruction. They destroyed everything; they’ve destroyed the Gaza we know.

My son, who is 5 years old and the older one who is 10 years old keep asking their father and me if they are going to die, if our house is going to be bombed. So I play with them a lot in the house, tell them stories, and jokes, so they forget. I am afraid this experience will mark their life forever, and the impact of this war will scar them psychologically. The children feel like there is something awful about to happen, some sort of catastrophe, but they just don’t know when. In fact we all feel like we’re just waiting for something – something terrible. Their father tells them about his experience in prison, he was in prison in Israel for a total of six years. Therefore, he tells them about funny things that happened to him in prison, and about other things to help them not be afraid of the Israeli occupation. It makes me feel sad to realize that me or their father will be not able to protect them, but we still have to try, at least to protect their minds as much as we can. After the war, I think we will need a lot of help and support in counseling. We will also need to visit all those who lost somebody, and support those who lost their homes. They have nothing now, they will need help to rebuild their homes and furnish them. I also think of the schools, the teachers who will need training to be able to deal with traumatized children, although they themselves may also be traumatized. But it is us adults who the children look up to for support and protection.

14 January 2008