My name is Maha, and I am from Gaza City. I am currently living in my parents’ house in Rafah who I was visiting when the war broke out. I arrived in Rafah on Thursday 25th December and then the war started on the Saturday and I could not go back to my apartment. In fact, I and the rest of the family haven’t been able to leave my parents house since the bombing started. We have not had electricity for four days, but we are lucky here in Rafah, because the electricty is given to us by Egypt, so we had electricity most of the time, but now for the last four days the power has been down because Israeli bombs hit the electricity source, and it needs to be repaired. I don’t know if it’s is possible for the technicians to repair it under fire.

My apartment in Gaza City is on the eight floor, but I prefer to be here in this two storey house because I am with my family. You know, this house was given to my parents by UNRWA because our previous house was destroyed four years ago, during one of the many invasions by the Israelis to our area. Here in Rafah as in all Gaza, people live very close together, so when a house or any other building is hit by the bombs, all the buildings around are affected. We hear the sound of the bombs all the time and its too dangerous to go out. Another thing is that our houses in the refugee camps are built of spest, not stone, and are weak, you know, there are even some houses that get cracked by the sound of the bombs.

In the house at the moment, we are seven adults and two children. Me, my mother who is now 70 years old, my aunt who is 90 years old and who is paralysed, my two sisters 34 and 37 years old, my brother, his wife and 2 children (2 months and 1 and half year). My other sister, Rania, is living in Gaza City with her husband and three children. She is the director of a school. On the first day of the war she was doing a live interview with a local radio station, and she had her mobile on silent. Her husband is a teacher. Her three children go to school during the afternoon session, and were at home and were getting ready to leave the house when the bombing started. One of the bombs hit the 11 floor building near to their house, and it was totally destroyed. The children were alone in their home, and when they heard the sound of the bomb they were terrified and were calling their mum, my sister. She could not know because her mobile was silent. As soon as she finished the interview she received more calls from friends and her husband telling her that the building close to her house was destroyed and her children were not out to shool at the time. She was in panic and got hysterical. She went home to find her children in panic and in a terrible situation. I was also terrified and had been trying to phone her to find out whether she and the children were safe.

During the time when we have no electricity we light up the kerosene lighters. It is not only necessary for us but for my little nephew. It is strange how he can recognize darkness, as soon as dark comes in, he began crying all time, so we put the lighter close to him, and he stops immediately.

I think this war is the worst experience of my life, it is different to all the other invasions and attacks on us. But it also comes after a continuous three years of siege and invasions. This time the Israelis are not only bombing us but they are also attacking us psychologicaly. The psychological war begins with phone calls from the Israeli army. We received a phone call from a recorded voice telling us to give them any information we might have about the Palestinian fighters and threatening that we will be targets if we do not. Other people we know have received a phone call by a recorded voice telling them that they will destroy their house and that they have to leave your house immediately. Other people have received sms messages on their mobile phones. The problem is that we have no place to go, there are no shelters.

Inside our home things are not easy, on many days we don’t have water or electricity, and sometimes when we have water there is no power, so we have to make fire with wood and even paper and cardboard that we gather when we can. Taking a bath is difficult, you know, I am afraid the house will get bombed while I take the bath, and it is the same feeling for all in my family, so we all take our bath the same day and one by one, so that if anything happens we can be alert. We have to warm the water most of the times in the fire, so the bath is taken by all of us in the same hour, so we can use the same hot water.

My mother and I are very worried for my sister, Rania who lives in Gaza City. Rania did not have any wheat to make bread and it was too dangerous to leave the house to buy bread or wheat. Rania told us that her friends from a nearby refugee camp risked their lives to bring them a sack of wheat and so now they have enough to feed the family. They also don’t have any power, so she told us that with her neighbours, they put all the paper, wood and cardboard they have together to make a fire and then use that to warm water and make bread for all the houses. Also the children from all the families come together to get warm while the mothers heat the water and make the bread, sometimes this is the only time they can warm themselves.

I was also worried about my friend, she lives in Gaza City, in a the 10th floor of a building. The lines were all cut, so I could not call her, and her mobile had no battery, you know without electricity we can’t have many things working. She called me finally, and told me she had to leave her house and she is well not to worry. I have not heard any more from her.

My mother does not sleep, she keeps walking from one side to other, and when we hear the sound of a bomb she raises her voice in prayers. Every morning she says, thank God, we have another morning to live, we are still alive and together. You know, my aunt, the one that lives with us who is completely paralysed, and she needs our help for every thing in her life. She can’t move, so me, my sisters and mother have to feed her, bath her, and everything. She is an strong woman. She tells us, “I am not afraid, although this is much different to what I lived through during 1948, I am not afraid”. She keeps telling us stories of what she remembers of 1948. Some of her stories are funny and others are as sad as these days.

One strange thing is the reaction of my nephew. He is 2 months old, and is very afraid of the dark, as soon as it gets dark he begins to cry, so we have to put the light close to him, he then sees the light and he stops immediately. I think that the sounds he hears are also making him feeling like he is in a strange situation and an unfamiliar environment.

During this time, I have been feeling like all the small everyday things in my life are tiring and make me feel anxious. I mean when we sleep, how we sleep, how we eat what we eat. Even if my mother does not say it, I notice she is eating less to leave food for others, it’s the same for me and my sisters, I think everybody is eating less. I get worried when the food my nephew likes is finished, so every time we can buy food the main thing is the food for the children.

I am so worried about what I will see when I leave the house when this war is finished. I imagine the streets, the houses, the buildings, everything will be destroyed, the Tsunami keeps coming to my mind. I will need courage to go out and see the place again. I can’t imagine how strong the bombs are the Israelis are using. I hear doors smashing, windows and glass breaking, and the sounds of bombs pounding the streets, the sounds are so loud it makes me shake. Sometimes I don’t feel I have legs, they keep shaking and I can’t stop them. I am not a person who gets afraid easily but the noise and sounds are horrible and my whole body shakes, I feel my mind does not work for a while after I hear all that we hear.

11th January 2009